I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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