No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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