i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
