Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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