I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
