I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
