I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
