Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
