yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
