she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
