So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
