At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
