my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
