that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
love makes seman taste better
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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