the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
