So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
