She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
