About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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