You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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