I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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