This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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