she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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