this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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