dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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