but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
