I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
