is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you didnt know i had herpes?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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