dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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