I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
