Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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