I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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