Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
