She is in my trunk
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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