i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
