do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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