My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
