mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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