I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
