oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You may now shotgun with the bride
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
