I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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