i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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