of course. lets lasso hookers.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
