i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want is dick and wine.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
