Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
