her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
