Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
