you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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