a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
