So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
