Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
