Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just google imaged poop.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
