im having a threesome with these popsicles
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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