I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just pee around me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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