We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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