I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
