And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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