So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
