i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
