is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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