I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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