No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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