I will die if light touches me.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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