Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
