So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
