I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
