If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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