not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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