if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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