thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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