paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
