we have pet lesbian snakes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
