Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
