hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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