I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
