im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
